Travelling Is My Safe Place

I love those rich, meaningful conversations, where thoughts, deep feelings, motivations, and inspirations, are revealed. Real conversations. Where you get a distinct sense of the person you are talking to. Not just their ego.

I like to ask questions and probe deeper. It's not because I want to criticise or judge. More because I like to have a real understanding of people. I like to understand their motives, their opinion, their past. I like to think I can figure others out. I like to think I am perceptive. I enjoy hearing stories of their childhood, their adventures, their troubles, their relationships, their lives. It is engaging for me. It makes me feel a connection. It also allows me to reflect on my story. I often learn a lot about myself through conversations with others, whether it be a good friend or a stranger I have met on my travels.

I usually have excellent listening skills and often risk delving deeper in conversation than people are used to. For some, it may be off-putting, I read the signals and I reign my questioning back. Others; the ones who love to talk about themselves, don’t mind sharing at all.

I am honestly interested but… my question asking is also a diversion tactic. It’s my social anxiety setting in. I fear people asking about me. I worry that people will see me for who I am and that I don’t have it all worked out. Panic sets in, that I won’t be good enough. I have been taken advantage of in the past and get anxious that someone may use something I say against me. I fear their judgment. I fear rejection.

So instead, I fire off the questions. I lead the conversation. I make them feel heard. And few people rarely see through what I am doing — only a select few.

When someone asks ‘how are you?’ I don’t want you to accept my pithy answer of ‘good thanks’. I’m never going to give you an honest answer and tell you how I really am. Because I think you don’t care. Because I worry I will be wasting your time, that you have more important things to be doing. Because it has just become routine now, hide, stall, cover-up. I protect myself to live in this safe place. Yet in the real world, I don’t feel safe at all. The doors are locked tight and I am cowering inside, waiting to be discovered.

You will usually find me wearing black, trying to camouflage rather than stand out in a crowd. I prefer chatting one on one and rarely join in group conversations. I will generally find the chair at the edge of the table rather than take a centre place in group settings. It is more comfortable to chat with one person rather than the pressure to entertain someone on either side in addition to the people facing you.

But sometimes I am ready to be asked. I want to be seen too. Sometimes I am prepared to go deeper. To reveal the real me and my deepest desires and wishes. It mostly happens when I know I will never see the person again. I know I am my truest self while I am travelling. Travelling is my safe place.

When I am away travelling, I can be my authentic self. I often will look back at my travel pics and notice how happy and carefree I was. It is easy to bond when you may never see this person again. When they are from a different part of the world and take more time to understand. Additionally, you often have time when you are travelling; at the airport, on the train, in the museum queue. I find like-minded people with things in common. I feel like I fit in when I travel. I meet more open-minded people who continue to learn about themselves and the world as they go.

I have been so fortunate to discover soul mates in my travels. People who get me. People who see beyond my questioning of them. People who have had a huge impact on my life. People who I know will be with me forever. And for these friendships, I am forever grateful.

Can you relate to my story? Or is it just me? Do you struggle with social anxiety? Do you dim your light to hide from the judgement of others? Or have you found your safe place to shine? Where is your safe place? Do you have friends that see the real you? I hope you do.

Let me know. Feel free to join the conversation below.