How To Deliver Bad News
Have you ever had to break upsetting news to a loved one?
No one likes to receive bad news and I'm positive that no one enjoys sharing the bad news either. Thankfully I have never had to deliver bad news before… until this week. In the grand scheme of things I don’t think I did too badly, yet in hindsight I could definitely have used some guidance before I spilled the beans. When I first heard the news, there were tears, anger, frustration, disappointment, extreme sadness and devastation on my part. I was fortunate to have this time so I could digest and then compose myself before I saw my boyfriend of whom I had to tell the bad news. You can never know how they will take the news and react so don’t spend much time predicting this or reenacting this in your mind.
It’s simple really, well sort of. Just follow my top ten tips to take into consideration before dropping the bombshell…
Do it in person if possible. Phone call, text and email are never great ways to first hear bad news. You want your person to have a support network with them at the time. Be that for them.
Choose the right time and place. A crowded room is probably not the perfect scenario. Pull the person aside. Find somewhere without distraction. And don’t delay too much. I mean it doesn’t have to be the first thing you burst out with, but don’t put off telling them the news for days. I knew I had no appetite when I first heard the news so I figured we should have dinner before I was telling my boyfriend anything.
When it comes to what actually to say, the main key is to not dramatize it. Just spit it out 'I need to tell you that today….’ The 'I have some devesting news to tell you….’ line never goes down well as it immediately puts the receiver into panic mode. I suggest avoiding the whole build up and just getting straight to the point.
Compose yourself and hold yourself together while delivering the bad news. You can break down later once the news is out. This is their time to process the new information, your time to be there for them. Keep your emotions out of it as much as possible.
I found that after I did my part, then it’s wise to just be quiet. Don’t say anything. Silence here is a good thing. Let them digest what they have just been told and ask any questions they may have. Once they hear the bad news they probably won't take much in after that so give that that white space. Allow processing time and them to react.
Be a cushion. If they need a hug, give a hug. If they need space, give them space. Don’t leave the room. Just sit with them for a period of time. It let’s them know you are there for them and they are safe.
Be prepared that the person may take their anger out on you initially. It's only out of shock and have compassion for them in this moment. It's never easy being the bearer of bad news.
After you feel they have had sufficient processing time, change the subject. For me, this was a good diversion. We came back to the topic but it also takes into account that life does and will go on. It’s not the end of the world, even though it may first appear to be.
Before you leave them, discuss what might be the next step. What are the person’s option’s? What is the right thing to do in this situation?
Check back in with your person the next day, during the week, six weeks later…. Make an effort to show you are there for them.
Do you agree? Have you had to break some distressing news to someone you love? How did you do it? In hindsight would you do anything differently? Let us know in the comments below…