Letting My Guard Down

I am used to being independent. I don’t ask for help readily or like to rely on others. It’s a Woodbury family trait. My dad and brother are really good at it.

This does mean, there are times when I block my feminine energy just to get things done myself.

Just in the last week, I was set in my masculine energy up to my eyeballs.

Rather than ask my boyfriend to open the car door I struggled with my hands full then got upset that he didn’t offer to open it for me then when I found out my dad was in hospital I didn’t tell my boyfriend straight away instead tried to deal with it on my own.

My first response tends to be to push my feelings down, in order to protect myself so I can’t get hurt. Even though my boyfriend is there for me, is more than willing to help and is always supportive of me, I still at times, struggle to be vulnerable and let him in. Which therefore affects our connection.

I put it down to being hurt in the past and wanting to protect myself. I get stuck in that rigid masculine role which is no good when you are in a relationship.

I then start overworking, over-giving and never receiving.

I am fully aware of it and am working big time on it. I am usually the worst at accepting compliments but this week I decided to acknowledge those my boyfriend and others gave me. And guess what, I ended up receiving more compliments than I usually do.

I notice when I let my guard down, my boyfriend does step up and is more than willing to take on tasks. It gives him room to be thoughtful and often sweet, and more in his masculine role. This morning he bought me coffee because I dropped him off at work. To me, that was a generous gesture. To him, it was just a normal thing you do.

I have to make an effort to put my past trauma to rest and be embodied. Feeling at home within myself, to be in the present moment, with the knowledge that I am safe. This is a continuous practice of embodying my inner feminine energy. Opening myself up to feel the bliss that is there if I allow it.

So I challenge you when you are feeling all proud and independent, lower your guard a little and see what seeps in. You may be surprised what the universe sends your way.