How To Connect Deeper In Your Relationship
Relationships are all different.
My relationship with my boyfriend is probably very different to the relationship you are in with your partner. There is no judgement there. I think they are meant to be all unique.
I am far from a relationship expert therefore I am consciously making an effort to learn what I can and act on this new learning to ensure my relationship is successful and meets both our needs. I enjoy the learning; reading more and listening to more, because I know that my life is better when I am in a happy, content relationship.
Building and having a strong relationship is pivotal, particularly at this time of our lives when we are thrown into lockdowns due to the pandemic and the people we are ‘stuck’ with are our loved ones.
Life is too short to be stuck in a miserable relationship, so why not make yours the best there is?
What are some things that you value in your current or a previous relationship that made your connection stronger and deeper?
This is what I have found through my experience;
know yourself first. Self awareness is key to decreasing unnecessary conflict. Do your inner work before you get into a relationship as well as during. Be responsible for your past, your traumas, your emotions and do the necessary work. Do not be a burden to your partner by being emotionally unavailable. Instead be able to support each other when you do feel heavy and be able to take up the slack during these low times.
communicate - express your feelings, be vulnerable, share the stories you are making up in your head and resolve any stress. Discuss how you can build trust, honesty and generosity. Admit and own your mistakes.
have fun - laugh, make memories, do things that make you happy and bring you joy. Bring out your inner child; what did you like to do as child and do that together. Consciously plan and create space for enjoyment together.
consider what are your values? Do you share common values with family, friends, partners? Are you compatible? Are you asking for things that your partner is not ready to give? You can not force a connection.
get intimate - find things that please you both, hold hands, watch the sunset or the clouds float by, wipe their tears during painful times, create and feel a sense of safety, comfort, and warmth with each other.
support each other’s dreams and desires - ask, be interested, share with others, turn to each other in trying times.
care for each other - look after each others heart, speak kind words, be gentle, make each other breakfast every now and then, do something for your partner without being asked.
imagine a future together - don’t talk about it too soon, but by consider plans for the future you are showing you are committed
work as a team - do jobs together, go to a parties and be a united force. Admire each other and let others see that in your eyes and actions. Be there for each other through life’s transitions.
establish healthy boundaries - you are not his/her mother, discuss roles if you are living together, if living apart; discuss how this will work.
For further resources on relationships that I have very much enjoyed listening to or reading that I can definitely recommend include;
check out Yung Pueblo on Instagram or Twitter. His book Clarity & Connection is a must read.
Esther Perel has a great podcast called Where Should We Begin which is brilliant. Esther believes the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Esther has TED Talks you must check out as well as two books called Mating In Captivity - Unlocking Erotic Intelligence and The State of Affairs.
get your hands on the book called Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed or if your not a big reader then get your ear balls around the Dear Sugar podcast. Go back and listen to the episodes and I am sure you will be able to relate.
Relationship guru John Gottman is someone you have to look up. He has a wealth of resources and information on his website. You may know him from The Gottman Method. You can sign up for his newsletter, Marriage Minute delivered every Tuesday and Thursday.
Billy Chapata is another you can learn lots from - happiness isn’t always an indication that everything in your life is perfect, or that things are necessarily flowing your way. Sometimes, happiness is simply the choice to see the light in everything that you can, despite how imperfect or unclear your current situation may be.
Everyday you choose to be with this person, so why not make it worthwhile.
What do you consciously do in your relationship that makes a difference to your connection? We would love it if you joined the conversation and left a comment below.
